Wednesday, February 20, 2013

My story continues....


This is continuation of my life story hope you enjoyed the last part if you have not read please read it here. Last time I told you about my life till I joined a BPO then there I learned computer and then switched my job to another call center and from there I joined Wipro and then I joined Novatium the current place I am working in as IT support executive.
This was my education and professional background of what I studied and my career. Now I will tell you about my relationships. Ah! Don’t worry I don’t have many girlfriends to mention but lets see. As a kid I never got much attention because my Dad passed away early and to support the family Mom had to work day and night but my grandma use to love me a lot and taught me many things. But slowly I was exposed to the world and as I told I was very weak in socializing I think because I was a domestic person loved to stay indoors maybe because of fear.
But things changed when I went to school. No sooner I was twelve years old love, sex and girlfriends and relationships were our favorite topics to discuss about. Love is at core of every human we all hunger for relationship. I was out in hostel by this age and close relationship was my friends but we were taught to love ourselves and nothing else. But thankfully the hostel was only boys’ hostel so no chance of having girls to date but that too was dangerous. Because of that something worse happened due that.

As scriptures says “For it is shameful even to speak of the things that they do in secret” Ephesians 5:12. I did every wrong thing possible. But it all began within. As a small in school some senior students were really immoral and they molested and raped us and I was one of the victims of such horrible thing. And it really tore me apart and I use to feel like animal and helpless during that period. Many people have good memory of childhood but mine was filled with pain. Rather than hating these things I also loved sexual immorality and waited to do wrong with others. Its such shameless thing even to write here many of you would have never imagined that a Christian blog will say all this but its my life a true story no matter how hopeless it is.
I was misguided and misinformed about sex from childhood. I also write this so that parents will make sure that speak to their children about sex and sexuality at right age because we Indians think that’s not important but mind you sir its very important.
Then I always longed to be loved and thought that once I am done with my schooling in hostel I go out I will make a girlfriend and share my life and love with her. This was my dream from very young age. I was rebel against all the odds but longing was not for girlfriend but for relationship and understanding. Because no one really understands you until he really loves you. Of course my Mom loved my but we had little time to spend and then my mind being corrupt I was longing for sex too. A girlfriend was supposed to meet all my desires physical and emotional. Trust me when you don’t know where you are going and what is the purpose of life you have such weird plans in your mind.
I moved from hostel to High school here in Delhi thinking to have a girlfriend but no change here again I was in Rajkiya Sarvodaya Bal Vidyalaya(Govt Boys school) and here I got good friends who were very supportive but all very weak in studies just like me and I became more dull. So two years again without chance. Then came job aha here no scene of boys only but then again here it was “ek anar so bimar” that means the ratio was like 50:1 and where do you think I would be. I was youngest and good looking but had nothing; nothing means no money, no bike and no good job to impress girls. Now when my friends will read this no one would ever believe that I thought like this because they all know me as a decent guy. But its only me and my evil mind that knows who actually I am. Next post I will reveal my small love (failure) story.

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