Tangled - Uljhan

Tangled - Uljhan, the word is stuck in my head. I took a silly challenge to untangle a manza 

(a thread used for flying kites) for a weird reason. Those who know what it feels like would immediately be flooded with the times they have tried to untangle it. Mind you it is a very dangerous thread, that can cut your fingers very easily. Generally, it is suggested to get a new set rather than trying to untangle it. Yet, there is a category of people who would like to give it a shot. It's very fussy but it was like solving a puzzle for me.

I looked at it as a metaphor for my life. And I want to surrender myself to God. I can untangle the manza but not my life. And as I was patiently working to solve the puzzle, step by step looking for the one end and trying to untangle it. It felt so good to solve a complex math problem and solutions are flowing step by step (primary level math - please I am no mathematician). I felt that what if I just allowed God to take me through a similar journey, and that can happen if only I allow Him to guide me.

 

Prayer: I am willing God, take the end and start untangling, the joy would be mutual. I have messed up, but I know You can untangle me gently and patiently. Having confidence in this that You made me, and You made me for a purpose and I won't find rest unless I am found doing that. I pray and come before You tangled, will you untangle me?

 

Prayer a privilege

On second Friday of every month our Church have fasting and prayer together as community and this Friday we all gathered at K-22 our Church office and unfortunately I missed the worship part as I reached late but yet was fortunate to sing few of them.

Though I am a sinner and I was feeling very low and the day was not really great as I did something wrong. But then while entering the House of prayer, I simply prayed a small prayer to Daddy God saying “I am come to you just as I am; accept my worship and my praise”. It is really humbling to know that once there was an era in which the priest has to be holy to come in presence of God but now that Jesus paid for sins and made God accessible through Him, and promised us that “ For where two or three are gathered in my name, there am I among them."Matthew 18:20 His name is Immanuel, meaning “God is with us” (Isaiah 7:14).

Think is it not more than a privilege to serve the living God, to come in His presence just as we are. When I was praying there, I was moved in my Spirit, though personally praying is a struggle for me but then when I was praying it occurred to me that day and night our brothers and sisters in Christ are praying for each other, for God’s kingdom to come, for gospel to be preached. You know what is the best part of following a living God, you are sure that God is listening every single word of yours and not only that let me tell you He is very happy to see you praying, praying is such a privilege thing perhaps the only thing we can do without ceasing. Even the most new member, most weak member can seek God’s face just by prayer. Great and mighty things happen just by prayers. Miracles, healing, breaking of bondages, holiness, confession, praise and thanksgiving all happens through small act of prayer. Jesus himself taught us to pray and also set an example before us as He took time out in midst all the business and just spend time with God to pray.

Another thought came to me that today if I am saved, I have the Word of God to read, that Christianity is amongst us, it was definitely by prayers of so many of other Christians who sent missionaries out, who took the pain to write the Bible in local language and I am sure a lot of prayer was involved in same and Holy Spirit have helped all those people and brought revolution in our country and now we have Bible easily accessible the Word of God. And thus I remembered “So whatever you wish that others would do to you, do also to them, for this is the Law and the Prophets.” Matthew 7:12 Think of it should we not pray for the unprivileged who have not heard the gospel, the lost, languages in which the Bible is not translated. All those who are suffering from injustice and depression, should we not pray and act for Justice and peace in nations. If we are ambassadors of Christ I think we are under command to pray for one another and to believe God is listening.

One last thought why I see prayer as privilege. God is sovereign over all things He is King of Kings and Lord of Lords. He is omnipotent, One who created the Heavens and the Earth (Genesis 1:1). He is the owner, sustainer and redeemer of everything visible and invisible. And His hand is not short to do anything, as he is all powerful. Yet God is mysterious person and very gentle and His ways are higher than ours and we cannot understand His plans and He is willing to use us for His plan. That for me is greatest purpose to be part of His plan. And He have allowed us to chose us not only to be His sons but to join in His family business of redeeming the world inaugurated by His Son Jesus Christ, will you be the part of this business.

Letter to God: Listening to God

Dear Daddy,

Thank You for the privilege to allow us to call You Daddy, Abba Father and thus calling us Your sons. What a privilege to know my identity as a son of King of Kings and Lord of Lords. And really awesome to know You. I have always said even generations will pass away and words are falling like rains from our lips yet we will fall short to praise You.

I dont know about you but I have always been shaken by God after a short time of slumber. Sometimes He shout at me when I think I am doing good or other times I think this is more probably closet to correct answer that when I am on right path I hear Him very clearly and take Him seriously. I have been rebuked by God for being lazy and complacent, for not keeping my word and not doing things I ought to. But sometimes I am so busy to make my life sinless that I forget the other part of being Holy is to Obey the Word of God and to listen to Him and to Abide in Him. I thought avoiding sins will make me Holy but it doesnt, its God who makes us Holy, its when we give control to Him and not when we try manipulate it. I remember Satyaraju Uncle telling us clearly that you cannot force a tree to produce fruits, you cannot pretend or manipulate in bearing fruit. Its a natural process and it should be allowed that way alone.We must abide in Jesus to bear fruit, allow God to prune us. And rather being busy in solving your problems, hand it over to God and just surrender. Apostle John says in 1 John 1:9 “If we confess our sins, God is faithful to forgive them” and what do we understand: “If we try our best to hide sins, just to be very near the danger line and to play with sin and not to sin and try best not to sin and God is happy with our performance” whom are you playing with. He is the Lord, The Creator God who knows the end from the beginning and one who is Alpha and Omega but at the same time remember Daddy God is not the Moral Headmaster who is standing with a whip waiting to watch who is the naughty kid who is sinning; No! He is the Loving Father who want us, to repent, to cry out to Him for help. Ask any parents they are waiting and always willing to help their kids, same and I would say more than that God takes care of us. His Son died for us, for this reason that we might be reconciled with Him. So that we restore the relationship with Him.

Dadda(Father) when you rebuke me I dont get annoyed but I feel humbled. I feel and I realized at least this time that how small I am, that how helpless I am yet not waste for You. You are still willing to use me, help me and through me You want to do great things. And it gives a lot of relief that its Your mission and its Your battle and I just have to surrender and align my will to Yours and rest everything will fall in place. Infact when I look into Your mission to save mankind it simple looks terrible and impossible to me but when I see that how You broke through my life and so many others that gives me Hope that if I can be saved, anybody can be saved.

Dadda like always this time too I have come to ask. And this time I want wisdom, wisdom to pray, to pray without ceasing, to pray for saints and for the ministry work. To indulge myself completely in knowing You, proclaiming You, growing in relationship with You at a deeper level. That I will not take control of the steering wheel of my life but I will give it in Your hands and drive through where You want me to be. I owe my life to You, and I am Your son by Your grace and servant by my choice and I look and take pleasure in serving You. I am proud to be Your son but remembering well that it cost You to send Your Son on earth. Thank You once again for life and very meaning and mission in our lives. Rest I look forward to write more and more letters to You. Till then “Blessed be Your Name, blessed be Your glorious Name”.

Your loving son,

Shushant

Letter to God: A small prayer

Dear Dad,

I love You Dad and thank You for everything You have done for us. I am really awestruck for the way You love us. Inspite of all my shortcomings You never give up on us and we are thankful for same.
You are unchanging God; one who never changes and neither does Your love. You love us with unconditional love(Agape) we are not worthy of this love but just because of You only You and Your character which is love(unconditional) I can exist and enjoy and know about love and think about love. Understand the greatest commandment Love your God with all your heart, all your soul and all your mind. (Matthew 22:37) Apostle John tells its You who loved us first not we(1 John 4:19). But our love is just a small expression and overflow of Your love dwelling in our hearts. We were darkness and our heart is desperately wicked.(Jeremiah 17:9) But You oh Lord You have given us a heart of flesh and indwelling of Holy Spirit; living waters flows from our heart.(Ezekiel 36:26)
A lot of things that I know not? Many questions remains unanswered but yet we know those questions are just thoughts but does this questions will stop me following and experiencing You my loving God. Above all questions my heart longs to see You, feel You, speak to You and hear from You. I love You and know You as living God who cares for me, loves me inspite of all my shortcomings and my sinful rebellion against You.
A lot goes around the world everyday, every single second politics, economics, lifestyle, entertainment, social studies, education and science. Every single day they haunt us Daddy but its a pleasure to know that You are sovereign over all thing and all things are in Your control. That nothing is out of Your knowledge and not under Your control; that You have planned each and everything and as Your word promises that “All things God works for those who have been called according to his purpose”. (Romans 8:28) And You are looking after us in midst of all thing heaps and heaps of problem, Your grace is showered on us without fail. And You walk with us in all this problems and help us have peace in our hearts which surpasses all the understanding. God teach me to come out of my shell and marvel at You, Your beauty and all Your never ending wonders. Allow me to praise You for who You are. Without Your eyes I am blind but I know You gave sight to all blind who asked to You and I am sure You have restored my sight help me see the things You want me to see and not what I think I should see. Teach me and guide me to walk in Your ways.

Thanking You,
Your disobedient but loving son,
Shushant

Thankful Thursday: Thanksgiving letter

Dear Dad,
Bless you God. I love you and thank you for everything you have done for us. God I want to thank You for simple things in my daily life and everyday blessings that You have showered on us.

I want to thank you for giving us life and also redeeming us. And for calling us Your son. Thank you for the love we experience everyday and for beautiful family without whose support and kindness I will not be able to do anything. Thank You God for friends and church family and relationships. Thank You for the GCF picnic we went to Tau Devilal botanical garden. Also I am very thankful for Sunday on which I was able to spend time with Pamela, Ryan and Aveek and we celebrated Pam’s b’day.And then for the dinner we had at Deepu’s place and time spent with his family. Thank You God for wisdom and discernment You have given me so that I can chose the right thing at the right time. So that I know that I am made to worship You and for Your pleasure. God I am thankful to know that You delight in us.
Thankful for small everything like job, every day chorus and for cycle which is helping me to live healthy life. I am thankful for food that I get every day, homemade food spiced with lots of love from Mom; which is making fatter day by day. I am thankful for You have provided all my needs. Thank You for the Spiritual food Your Word by which we are blessed and we are alive and attentive towards You. Where will I get strength, love, joy, peace and hope but in You alone and in Your Words. Thank You for step by step guidance for each and everything.
I am thankful for BTCL. I am very thankful for my blog and also for other blogs I read in the world out on blogosphere there are so many stories to read and to give ear to. I am thankful that I am able to write and maintain the blog which is one of my major tasks I planned to do this year. Thanks for this entire list God that you have done for us.
Now my prayers God I want to thank You for keeping me from failing and giving me chance to walk with You. But I do not want to take any credit for this therefore want to praise You for same also I want to pray for coming days that I will walk closer with You. I pray for time management so that I can focus on the other tasks that I have decided for this year which are spending time with God (which includes reading Bible and BTCL assignments also) and secondly for my studies for BA. Dad I know I have not been serious about only one thing that is my studies its mid February but yet I have not yet started my studies properly.
God I want to pray for Ryan and Pamela as they are getting married soon; for their new life and smooth future. God also pray for a stranger who became friend Manoj with whom Aveek shared the good news. Praying for missionaries and ministries that You will give wisdom and strength for accomplishing the Your goals. A long letter but thanks for bearing with my complaints.

Thanking You
Your loving son,
Shushant

An unusual Prayer

Dear Daddy,

              Hi, How are you? I know the answer but You know still it's basic ethics of the letter that we ask the person how He is doing? Though in Your case its obvious but as a son I just wanted to check and I know You won't mind at all?

What is that I am crying today, I want to pray an usual prayer today? I want to ask something weird? I have always ask something to add, something to gain, something to reach, something to progress but today I want to put a reverse gear. I want to pray for something to lose, something to give up, something to lay behind and many to surrender. Because I have learned that the knowledge, possession and skills I have are like filthy rags before You. I am afraid that I am carrying a big baggage of proud of something I have done, something I have learned and others which I experienced. But God all this are coming in between You and me. I want to lay them out before You.

Its hard to that because I am afraid of losing something, few things I don't know what but I am afraid. Its hard to give up everything. But today's prayer is that give me strength to unlearn, to throw out all the possessions I carry. To be humble and accept that I am dust and worthless wretched sinner. Truly I am convinced that my heart is desperately wicked and my plans are always filthy and unrighteous. I want to empty myself. I cannot live this duplicit and cheat life everyday. Running and falling and crying every moment thinking to myself why can't I make it by myself? But the Truth that scripture says you can't, you simply can't?(Romans 3:23) 
And therefore I come to you asking me to realize this and to handover my life once again to You my Master, my Father, Lover of my soul, my Redeemer. In You alone I found my life and meaning. Purpose I survived because You came in my life and said “Follow me”. And I committed everything in Your hands then why do I run on my own strength and not on You. God teach me to abide in You by giving up all the obstacles that are coming in between. Let it be only You and me, and nothing to bother us. Let me grow in You alone and by Your strength alone. I really want to enjoy the life in fullness but in Your way and not my way. So here I am to lay all my crowns and all that I possess as filthy rags. As David says “ My sacrifice, O God, is a broken spirit; a broken and contrite heart, you, God, will not despise.” Psalm 51:17. I want to be renewed in You Lord. Thanks for listening to my prayers Daddy! Hope You answer soon.

Your disobedient but loving son,

Shushant

About the title and the begining....

As I write this I believe I must began to write from the beginning of this journey which means the year 2010 when I started going to Church and started believing in Jesus slowly. This below is my journal entry of 3rd April 2010.(Kindly ignore the grammar and spelling mistakes and also if some theological errors because I am trying to copy exactly what I wrote then, and also this can be very raw and sometime will not make sense but bear with me it’s just the beginning, when I read this now I feel like it’s a letter written by small kid to God. Hope you will enjoy this..)

Title: The Journey of Faith: In search of GOD, Truth and Way of living
My title speaks about a beginning of my journey towards God, the Almighty. Till now I didn’t have motto or we can say a purpose behind my life. Now the journey will decide where to go.
I have faith on my Father (God) that he will definitely help me to show the path to Him.
Love is the only most precious thing I know. And that’s the grace of God that He sent his Son on earth no for any other reason but for love which he have for his children. I never knew things properly it is always like a dream happening around us most of the things happening around us hardly matters to us because we are very selfish.
But not my Father (God) he always knows everyone and he is there for everyone isn’t it wonderful.
I thank God for being so good to us.
Pray, how to pray I don’t know may be God will teach me. One thing that I know my journey towards God, towards the truth and that’s what I can call as the way of life to live. God just loves us for anything and everything even when we are bad or good; He loves us. I cry to God: “Father! Oh! Father I want to be loved by everyone; teach me how to love everyone and be happy knowing the fact nobody loves you. How to be source of love? One who never asks anything in return of it?
Jesus Christ came on earth lived a life of a human being he loved everyone he met everyone, he shared good news with everyone he met. And in return demanded nothing, not only this he was nailed on the Cross just because of our selfish world. I want to be as lovable as you God.

Prayer is more than words...

My friend Pamela who is also inspiration for me to write is writing a series of articles on theme more than this monday on deep reflection. So today I will try to reflect on basic things as this also vital part of the journey. Today lets look at Prayer only a glimpse.

I don't know if this is said by someone else or not but I always say this to myself that Prayer is the fuel we must live this life. Every single person who believes in God knows about prayer. Now its secondary that how we do it, when we do it and why we do it?

What is prayer in our life? Is it something a everyday routine or we do it occasionally. Do we rely on what we knew about prayers or found out new ways? Do we pray to please God?

Do we pray thinking that this is part of the religion? Does our prayer reflects pride? Or it is a long list of request to God? Or are we asking to do or bless something we are doing or want to do? Are we praying to show something? How does your prayer looks like?
    Because our walk with Christ is defined by the way we pray and how often we pray? What we pray? What does it really mean to pray? So coming back again when I asked this question teach me to pray and how Jesus taught it?  simply saying prayer is communication.
Its by faith, a lot of faith initially because that is the time(When I started the journey) I was not sure about so many things, like where am I going, to whom really I am praying, why I am praying? But what I knew and wanted to know is Truth. What is truth? The Fact something genuine/original by which I can understand everything else. And those days I was reading and still read my favourite bible verse John 14:6 where Jesus says “ I am the Way, and the Truth and the Life no one comes to Father except through me.” But question was still why should I believe what He said is Truth. But faith, by faith I believed He is! Then made an honest prayer to Him, to open my eyes to see Him. And I realized when I heard Him that I did not chose Him, He chose me(John 15:16). As a Father He was always looking for me and He was planning and making my ways to follow Him(Reminds us the story of prodigal son Luke 15:11-32).
    Prayer is really more than the words we murmur before food and before sleeping and early morning. From beginning till date I have believed God is concerned about our heart than anything else. Even before we speak anything He knows.(Psalm 139:4) His eyes are always on us and His ears are always attentive towards us. Then is it only the words that is prayer.No prayers are more than words....
    Prayer goes beyond the offering of our words to him. Its a lifestyle we chose. Its our thoughts, our choices, our efforts and our work; are they not pointing something greater in our lives? Prayer is those songs that comes in our heart when we marvel of His glory. Prayer is that joy we have even in the difficult circumstance. Prayer is that cry when we seek His help in difficult time. Prayer is that talk when we are still and seek His words for our life. Prayer is that time we quietly spend at His feet, saying nothing but waiting to hear from Him.Thus prayer goes beyond mere words its a lifestyle we live. When we are helpless and we confess it to the Lord thats prayer. When we are remembering someone and asking God to help them its a prayer. When you intentionally speak to Him, so that you can avoid temptation and sin thats prayer.
    When you realize that Holy Spirit is guiding you and interceding with you for your words are falling short but He is teaching you and reminding you about Jesus that is prayer. When you trust and listen to His Word carefully that is prayer. Its that love we have with Him
    You know prayer is beyond words: A small baby who have not learned to say loves his parents but can't really express it but the parents know how much the baby loves them and more than those words and whether the baby gives it back or not parents are committed to love the baby. Its the same picture its not how much we pray? How we pray? What we say? Its love of God that really bounds us and if we are conscious towards it our words of thanksgiving and praise to His Grace will never end. And as I always say Our generations will pass away but we will not have enough thanked Him for what He have done in our lives.

So how do you pray?