Saint by day, monster by night

How can I cheat God, it doesn’t feel right
Being a saint by day and monster by night
Killing my conscience byte after byte
It's all grey nor black, not white
Fantasies that take wild flight
Why do I keep losing this fight?
Am I trying to hide or  am I out of sight?
What happened to being salt and light?
Defeated by choice or by might?
I am no soldier and I am no knight
Jesus, it’s only You who can make me right
But I beg O! Lord please expedite
Its only in You, I want to delight.