Tangled - Uljhan

Tangled - Uljhan, the word is stuck in my head. I took a silly challenge to untangle a manza 

(a thread used for flying kites) for a weird reason. Those who know what it feels like would immediately be flooded with the times they have tried to untangle it. Mind you it is a very dangerous thread, that can cut your fingers very easily. Generally, it is suggested to get a new set rather than trying to untangle it. Yet, there is a category of people who would like to give it a shot. It's very fussy but it was like solving a puzzle for me.

I looked at it as a metaphor for my life. And I want to surrender myself to God. I can untangle the manza but not my life. And as I was patiently working to solve the puzzle, step by step looking for the one end and trying to untangle it. It felt so good to solve a complex math problem and solutions are flowing step by step (primary level math - please I am no mathematician). I felt that what if I just allowed God to take me through a similar journey, and that can happen if only I allow Him to guide me.

 

Prayer: I am willing God, take the end and start untangling, the joy would be mutual. I have messed up, but I know You can untangle me gently and patiently. Having confidence in this that You made me, and You made me for a purpose and I won't find rest unless I am found doing that. I pray and come before You tangled, will you untangle me?

 

Saint by day, monster by night

How can I cheat God, it doesn’t feel right
Being a saint by day and monster by night
Killing my conscience byte after byte
It's all grey nor black, not white
Fantasies that take wild flight
Why do I keep losing this fight?
Am I trying to hide or  am I out of sight?
What happened to being salt and light?
Defeated by choice or by might?
I am no soldier and I am no knight
Jesus, it’s only You who can make me right
But I beg O! Lord please expedite
Its only in You, I want to delight.

Journey Update

I have not told you of my where about from a loooooooong time. Honestly I have not come back and revived my blog and I have left it orphaned from ages. But lets get back to business. I am not here to tell you folks, that I am back, perhaps I am just here to announce, work is still in progress.

So lets get back to journey, today I want to tell you about my journey update again. So honestly it’s the mode or the time where the traveler is in desert, he is feeling lost, he is not sure if he took the wrong turn. He is not finding any signboards, he is tired, thirsty, hungry and just trying his level best to come back on the highway. But nothing seems to be working, he is stuck in a desert for long time, idea of direction, and progress are meaningless, all you can see is vast ocean of sand and sand alone. Not a single human soul, but only few fellow travelers who are also wandering, they feel the same way I feel but yet it seems we are on very different journeys.

The traveler is longing for joy, love and peace. He is longing for someone who will understand and walk along with him, speak to him and encourage him to carry on even when it is tough to know where he is heading and what lies ahead. Not that he knows not where he is going but right now, he is weak that his brain is not functioning properly. The weather and the stand storms of the desert are life threatening, and the traveler is long struck in this desert and he forgot the count of the number of storms he have faced here.

Is there a hope for traveler, off course there is because some one said not all wanderers are lost. The traveler is not willing to give up, because he is sure of the help; he knows the way he have chosen is not wrong and surely he desires the destination more than his life. And surely help will come from above. It might take sometime, some wear and tear, some lessons to be learned, the traveler must discipline and learn new thing on this adventure ride. Definitely he learned few, but right now he is feeling so lost that those lessons are mere lessons and he is starting to feel what a wise man said long ago, vanity of vanity, everything is vanity under the sun. He is realizing that how everything is meaningless under the sun. He is crying out for help, he is crying out to his creator that he will open his eyes and show him the highway again, to help him not to give up the journey. To strengthen the weakened knees. To help him not to doubt himself, or his choice of the journey. The traveler knows he started journey because of his crazy love towards his Master. And he can die but not give up on traveling. But I must tell you even in the midst of the desert there are few thing very significant. The traveler never ran out of food or of clothes or of any basic need, far more than that whenever he cried for any such thing. He suffered no serious illness other than what normally one faces in a desert. He is healthy, wealthy and well taken care of. Only thing he wants to do is to find the way out again and come back and walk on the highway.

Because the Lord of traveler says to him: "He gives power to the faint, and to him who has no might he increases strength." (Isaiah 40:29) The traveler truly waits upon  his Lord to renew his strength.

Letter to God: Cry for help

Dear Dad,

I am reminded of Your word which says “All we like sheep have gone astray; we have turned—every one—to his own way;” Isaiah 53:6 and I surely believe if we are not depending on You, we are going nowhere but astray. Surely Lord, as I review my previous year, look into my prayer log, I have found the year is spent in crying and lamenting but I see no efforts really taken to come back to You and seek Your help, although I have cried a lot but all seem to say, “God help me” but it felt like I still want to be in control, but as I gear up and hear from You and the message that we heard on Sunday about letting go, of giving our lives to You, and I want to honestly want to live for You and in Your strength, I cant do this on my own.  I am tired of going astray, I surely need to realign my life to the Shepherd, I want to lay down all the distractions, I want to bring everything to altar that is becoming hindrance for me to reach and hear the voice of my Shepherd.

Honestly speaking Dadda, I find myself in midway and I don't even know which way to go? Lost sheep knows nothing but helpless cries out to the Shepherd and that’s all I do. But deep down I know my Shepherd is nearby and He is more concerned about me than I am? He loves me, He cares for me, He calls me by my name, He gives me rest, He is the good Shepherd whom David describes in Psalm 23. I know my help is near, I just pray that I will meet my deliverer soon, I wait in a dry and thirsty land for Your visit.

But I can depend upon You and I want to end the letter with the words of the Psalmist who says.” I have gone astray like a lost sheep; seek your servant, for I do not forget your commandments.” Psalm 119: 176

Your son,

Shushant

Help! Ex-Devadasis

    Imagine yourself being a slave in a free country, sounds scary, isn't it? Now imagine not just being a slave but a forced sex slave from the age of 5 or 6. Imagine when due to wrong practices and misleading myths you have been forced to become a sex slave under the title of temple prostitute. Imagine taking the name of god and doing worst possible things, not allowing a person to live freely, forcing her to become a sex-worker just for some money and our corrupted practices of past. I was literally in tears and my heart is grieved to see the video.1

The Problem:    You must be thinking its past which I talk about, or mystic land where this practices take place but don't be surprise its in India(Kappalguddi, Karnataka, India) and still this practice is going on. Yes the tradition where this women are called Devadasi,2 (meaning: ‘servant of God’) system involved dedicating a girl, as young as 5-6 years of age, to the temple Goddess. This meant that she would spend her entire life serving the temple and was not allowed to marry anyone else. The system was abused by the rich and the powerful who began to force the young Devadasis to sleep with them.Over the years, the Devadasis were reduced to being incorrectly termed 'temple prostitutes'. This merciless practice, though illegal and outlawed, still exists in certain small towns of India and its stigma continues to cling to the women who attempt an escape. Because of the social stigma around their roles, employment opportunities are denied to them. It is a vicious cycle where future generations too, are drawn into this ruthless system3. I am sure many of us are not even aware of such practices and even though its illegal its still going on, you want to know why?

    Logic is simple, do you remember the old hindi line which says “Kalank kajal se kali”  (blemish is more blank than collyrium) which indicates or really means that once you are blemish in the society you cannot walk with dignity. Imagine everyone calling you names “whore” ,“slut”, “prostitute” and they even don't know they didn't chose to be their and they didn't want to be there but we leave no option for them. Either they die or they choose to remain in the same trade. They don't want to beg. We all dislike beggars and we always complain, “why can't they work?” They can't work because no one in the society want to give work to them. Remember old slave story of America when the law was passed and slavery was illegal, now suddenly there was freedom and they didn't knew what to do and how to do? So many of them continued to serve their master’s willingly.But few who fought and struggled hard to make their position in the society. So its not very different story here, there are group of women who are no longer Devadasis but they are struggling with the society, with the financial struggle to support them and their family, their many objective now remains to stop and abolish this practice and give a better future to the next generation. They are like helpless birds trapped in a prison. Even animal right activist don't allow to treat animals like the way human are treated by our society.

Change:    But what if I want to say there are few changes, what if I say the birds inside the cage are restless to come out now, what if I say they want to live in dignity they want to spread awareness that same should not be repeated with someone else. What it they are courageous enough to take a stand, will you stand beside them. What if I say they just need ordinary people like you and me to help them. What if I say with a small help they can become independent.As they don't get jobs and ill-treated by the rich, many of them want to become self-employed and want to work with their own hands also teach others and help other who are still in the same trade and want to bring the change in society.They want to become enterpreneur and they are not only thinking about themselves but for other similar women who are trapped in viscous cycle they need a small help to break through. They want the same dignity as we have. They are also fellow humans like us, they also want to live an independent and a happy life. They are eager to help others because who else will know the pain better than them, they have experienced it for years. They know the pain and they want to change it. All the need a chance. We all make mistakes and look for a chance to change but here they made no mistakes but they are asking for a chance for the mistake we made. For justice to be done with them they are eager to change this. Will you help them?

Act/Help:     Lets be practical now. What can we do? The need is certainly vast. But what if I say lets help people and group one at a time.Lets take small steps to begin with. And as I said they want to start new business they need help financially, now you will think they are asking for donation and we don't have money to donate because we have so many things to do and we earn very less but its not donation but its lending money. Yes, you can give loan to the group of people who want to start a new business on their own and after certain period of time you will get back your money which you can pay it forward. And guess what its like you don't have to give a large chunk of money but you can begin as small as Rs.500(what a cost of two movie tickets/ a good dinner at your favorite restaurant). Trust me if we share our resources in right way and it reaches the right person who is impacting others, this world will become better place to stay. Think your help will change and touch so many lives. There will be so many employment opportunity because of this help. You will be helping group of people to get back their dignity, to get back their life at their terms freely and they can live like us. And they will be really thankful for your help and I am sure they will be encouraged to help others. And your kindness will reach miles and miles away.

There are plenty of reasons why you should give, if you want to refresh you memory and looking for reasons read this.4

For donation lending money join me on: http://fundraiser.milaap.org/campaigns/Sushant You can make payments using your Credit/Debit cards, Netbanking.

Milap: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Zha3iaLbHHA

#Hopeproject an initiative by milaap and Indiblogger
#http://milaap.org/fund/lalita-k-harijan-and-group/2035?&referrer_id=8951

Disclaimer: All images are copied from the Internet via Google Images

References:

1:http://milaap.org/campaigns/hope and http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k026QTnKlqQ

2:http://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2011/jan/21/devadasi-india-sex-work-religion

3:http://milaap.org/campaigns/hope

4:http://www.openbible.info/topics/giving_to_the_needy

Travel update 2013 and 2014 plans

Hello Readers,

    I am sorry for not being posting after my last post about such a weird topic and I never came back and told you why I took the break and why this silence.

    So many things took place but the most of the time I was busy with my exams in the month of December. Ok you might ask what exams?, I am doing in my Graduation through correspondence and it should hopefully finish by this year and I will be a graduate after a long wait.

    So last year was really a roller coaster ride but it was fun. So telling you about the journey as lets not forget we are on the journey. I have come closer to God and walked this narrow path only with help of God. But last two months have been most dramatic months for me because a lot of thing was changing and I met a friend from another country who changed my vision. Or lets say pushed me into a new dimension and made me realise that I have potential to do more than I am currently doing. That person made me think a lot more deeper which have really-really made me think about my Calling as well. So here it is a secret, we call this journey a journey of faith, this spiritual journey is bit different from the journeys we take here on earth. You know when we plan a trip we know where we are going, how we are going, what are the expenses, what are the consequence, what are we taking along and many other stuff we know about all things together but when it comes to journey of faith you know the ultimate destination but at current how to walk, where to go, what to do, what to take, how to do, what all we will need nothing is fixed, nothing is visible but you know what this journey is not about me, the traveler is a follower therefore he is bound to follow his Master in all the ways.

    So this journey of faith is very adventurous because you know only one step at a time, it takes lot of courage and patience to be on this journey, but trust me its fun to trust God and to walk after Him. Think of God, He is your Father, He knows everything, He is omniscient, He knows end from the beginning and He can see all things. He knows what you are going to do and what's best for you. But sometimes it becomes very very hard to walk after Him, sometimes frustrating because sometimes He takes you even through the valleys of death, sometimes He brings you to a dead end and you are lost and confused.(But I am always reminded its one step at a time, remember when Moses lead the Israelites from egypt to promise land they hit the Read sea and everyone thought thats dead end(also the egyptian army was coming from other end) and started grumbling but Moses who trusted God knew that “God will make a way” and the red sea was parted).{You can read the story in Exodus 13,14}

    From the day when journey of faith began I have been asking and waiting for God to lead me, this year I strongly believe God is going to make a way and make things new for me. The promise that I think I received this year is

“Forget the former things;

   do not dwell on the past.

 See, I am doing a new thing!

   Now it springs up; do you not perceive it?

I am making a way in the wilderness

   and streams in the wasteland.” (Isaiah 43:18-19)

Source:mostpato.deviantart.com

And I am excited and thrilled to follow God and its amazing to follow this God and His ways are definitely higher than ours. And I will trust in his promises and specially the one which says:

“Trust in the Lord with all your heart

   and lean not on your own understanding;

 in all your ways submit to him,

   and he will make your paths straight.” Proverbs 3:5-6 

So it seems to be an exciting year ahead, I am planning to learn a lot, read a lot, write a lot. I don't know if I will publish all of them but sure to keep you updated and share my thoughts.

    So whats your review of 2013 and plans for 2014?

Porn chat with mind....

    We all know that Christian journey is a spiritual warfare its battle between spiritual realm. Its also a battle within the mind, a battle between flesh and spirit. So I am trying to capture or to put down one of my most common battles as below. Here the battle is regarding the temptation to watch porn and to respond to it mentally, physically and spiritually. So flesh represents the mind set on the flesh and spirit is the one where mind is set on spirit.

Source: Google, war in mind

    * Flesh is also listening to the enemy thats devil and its believing and quoting a lot of lie. Our task here is to learn what is the lie and what is truth, many a times I give in and many a times the flesh takes over and those are the moment you will see the spirit giving in but there are time when Holy Spirit will guide and therefore our focus should be on main truths I have tried to highlight but be careful, to make this very realistic I have many times used words for spirit which appears as if what flesh is telling is right and thats the trap so here our task is to figure that out what is wrong and what is right.

flesh: Hey see I need to do this, its common as you have the hunger for food, similar there is urge for for some skin to skin moments, lets watch some naked girls.

spirit: Why are you hindering me, you know thats not right thing to do?

Flesh: why is it not right to do so?

Spirit: because in the process of doing this I am sinning against God and against every that person I will lust after by allowing myself to fall in the trap of lust and then giving into wrong thoughts, spiritually being separated from Him and then mentally whatever great thoughts were coming will crash and just think about the images and skin as you talk about and then my body will heat up and so on.....

flesh: but just think of all the past when you have done that haven't you felt so good. And you are saying as if you are saint you never watched porn and never did wrong things

spirit: yes, I  know you very well you accuser I have done all this in past but God forgave me

flesh: so He will forgive you this time as well

spirit: He will I know about His forgiveness, do not teach me about His precepts

flesh: ok, lets not get there but think of the aroma, the perfect figure, the pleasure

spirit: oh, yes you are right i know what you are talking about, it just feels so good. Dont remind of those things it just makes me think of it more

flesh: yes, yes think how those pictures of perfect figure calls you, saying see us more

spirit: No, wait where are we going?

Flesh: we are going in right direction, bodies, aroma, sex.....

spirit: oh, yes sex isnt bad i can talk about it

flesh: You are right its not bad its good think of all the pleasures, think of the drive, think of new styles, think of new ways, think of new bodies, think of that......

spirit: wait, wait what are you talking, you are arousing wrong thoughts in my mind. Lust is not a good pleasure.

source: Google images

Flesh: Lust, who said we are talking about lust here I never mentioned about lust. Lust is like stealing, or like coveting but you know this porn websites are not those things because they are available because skin show is good and people care and understands the drive of sex and they are just serving the society for good

spirit: ya, I think so...

flesh: remember those smiles and those laughing pictures you get see, do you think even a bit they are tortured or forced to do such things, no! They like to do such things why are you so bothered that they will feel bad if we do so. In fact they do such things for us and expect us to do for them thats all. As you watch a tv actor and appreciate his skills, why not watch porn and appreciate their bodies

spirit: no(falling in the trap)

Reality check: All the porn and all the glamour we see is a real lie. A truth is many girls, women, children are forced to do this under some kind of threat. Mostly they are slaves of this mafias who get lot of money for this acts. And another shocking but real truth is this few are homemade videos made by teenagers like you and me who enjoy porn, with their girlfriends and posted here on the websites. Again it can be anyone who have sent their naked picture just to show to their boyfriends and they broke the trust and uploaded and therefore do not live in the delusion that pictures you see are of those people who want to be naked, who celebrate sex as sports. But think because we purchase and see such stuff, the rate of child trafficking is increased everyday and we know the results of porn are so bad like gang rapes, sexual abuse within or outside marriage, adultery, prostitution, trafficking and many other crimes. Also its not to be taken lightly as this leads to some very serious crimes many studies and interview have shown that one thing that is common between the worst criminals that is to watch porn and have the mindset similar to it.

Source: Google. Say no to porn

flesh: so why bother, they are doing it because they like, they like to show and we like to see

spirit: but wait its not mere what they think about it, its more what I think and what God thinks about it

flesh: but you are not indulging in it, its just a bird's eyeview, all I am asking you is to appreciate the beauty of flesh, if you don't appreciate that, it will go vain. Will animals appreciate that

spirit: Our bodies are not objects to be used or played with but they are the temple of living God

flesh: Ah! Again the saint inside you have raised and is hindering you in the process

there is a gap and as the person is trying to juggle around. Then suddenly a strong sense of urge comes or lets say thought flows in mind about sex and urge of it.

Flesh: come on, now see you are having the urge for it, don't suppress it otherwise all your so called balanced life will be hindered

spirit: are you telling the truth...

flesh: come on! Dont you know yourself when we suppress something what will happen

spirit: it will keep piling up and then blow into disaster

# Reality Check: However, its really true that everyone gets thoughts and feelings and if we dont deal with them properly they can really keep getting piled up and keep disturbing you or maybe sometime become burden and weigh you down badly. It can be any thought that leads you for certain feeling and then repeated feelings will bring you at a stage of emotion called lust and therefore you will be lust-blinded and thus more vulnerable than before and easy trap for the enemy. Therefore rather than ignoring the feelings face them, replace the negative thoughts with the Truth which is the Word of God.

flesh: you know what the more you resist such thing, more they will pile up. So live for the moment and indulge

spirit: I think so....

flesh: no thinking around, its the moment don't lose it, its natural everyone must react to every urge you have, its your body if you don't give it what it want, it will collapse?

Spirit: Is it? Just live for a moment. Wait a second its a clear lie, you know very well this body is temporary but not me, I am eternal and therefore moment by moment I does really matter. And what I will do now will also effect in long term.

flesh: come on, it's like starving ... How many days have passed you have kept this holy fast

spirit: says nothing....

flesh: (reminding of a previous episode where I failed) do you remember of the last time when we did this, oh it was so perfect, what a perfect piece it was

spirit: See, this is the problem when we are watching porn a good human being is just treated or seen as piece, a body.Where as we clearly know the Scripture clearly says that your body is a temple of Living God. Keep it holy! Arent you making me a fool? Dont you want me just to be a slave

spirit: (speaking to God) Deliver me from this as its too hard and you know I almost gave in above, Abba! Give me Your Holy Spirit to fight this

Momentarily there is an escape as the person prayed. But after some time,

flesh: So now lets just forget everything, you are so tired of running here and there dont you want to treat yourself with something refreshing

spirit: Yes, I really think the same

flesh: what about some porn!

Spirit: resisting very hard. No, not porn

flesh: no, you don't have to see porn, maybe just read about it, or maybe better just have a look to that naked bodies

spirit: but I don't think this is a good idea

flesh: come on, you are tired now, stop thinking of good and bad. Lets just focus on fun we can have, I am sure God is not against fun

spirit: definitely not

# Reality Check: The truth is that God is not against pleasure infact if we are careful the Scripture says that all good pleasures are at His right hand and that gives me confidence that certainly God is not against pleasure.Its not that God is moral monster who stands with a stick to punish you but certainly He gave us law to protect and provide for our own safety and for our own good. He says not commit adultery(later Jesus explains even looking at a woman lustfully is commiting adultery) simply because we are made in His image and our lives are sacred and we dont have right to violate the sacredness at any cost.

I am sure it was great learning and a great chat, if you want to clarify please comment. Or even if you have similar struggle or want to write down what is the chat that goes between your flesh and spirit please do share with me, who knows I might want to put it up here on my blog only if you allow me. Even if you want to suggest something please share your thoughts....