Thankful Thursday

     I am thankful for God created us. Thankful for His love. Thanks specially for forgiveness I have in Christ. Which gives me eternal hope and chance to rise up and say I will sin no more. I will draw closer to God again. I have failed Him everyday but I have got up everytime and never found Him loving me less. Time and again He told me that you cannot do this in your strength don't try to run away from sin in your strength just trust me and draw closer to me. I am thankful for the Cross on which my savior paid the ransom for my sins. Where Father forgave me and cleansed me with the precious blood of Christ.
I am thankful for the peace I have because of Prince of peace. That my soul is in rest in Him. That I am always confident and courageous under His wings. Thankful for I am free from sin and slave to no one.Thankful for God is the provider and I don't have to worry about anything. Thankful because His plans are greater than my. Thankful for meaning and purpose bigger than me. Thankful for His grace, love and fellowship. Thankful for my Church and leaders who are committed to help me and to guide me. Thankful for wonderful friends who are always fighting with me, loving me and making my days memorable everyday. Thankful for the small happiness I get from drawing, playing, chatting, cycling and working and writing. Thankful for all the love, mercy and grace that you shower on us.What are you thankful for.

Short past story of the wanderer

I was born in Delhi in a Bengali migrant family. We were Hindu by religion. At very early age my dad passed away. And I was brought up by my Mom in love and care. My mom is my true hero because she worked very hard to make me big. She was very poor; with her husband everything was buried and was a history. She never ever worked outside before my dad passed away. She was very young but helpless, moneyless, homeless and most importantly hopeless. My mom started staying with my uncle and granny. Being small in the home I use to be very quiet I generally don’t speak much therefore my name suited me Shushant. “Shant”(Hindi) means silence.
I was alone without Dad but it never really haunted me.But what really haunted me was my demands. I had no rights to demand anything, though I was only son that time but our financial condition was not good. So my life was almost without toys and luxury. As a small boy was a brilliant in studies, I use to be topper of the class but somehow I was very afraid to interact and slow in communication. My socialising skills were very weak. I was very domestic person and loved to stay alone at home.
After sometime when I was almost 8 year old I went to hostel for my studies. That was the turning stone suddenly from being alone to be in a big group of similar age kids. So I have developed and learned many good and bad things from there. I learnt all things on my own. And that was a beginning of sense of “SELF MADE MAN”.
After finishing my Matriculation SSC I came to Delhi and took admission in a government school and managed to pass my High school. Because from being habituated to study under good teachers and suddenly change in board and the pattern of learning I collapsed very badly in academics. Academics was my only ally all this years because I was known as a scholar among all my friends and family.And when I failed to perform even there. I lost hope in myself but still I was very proud of myself and still not willing to give up. No sooner I finished my HSC I started working with a small restaurant called Sbarro but I am still proud to say I was in the launching team of the restaurant in India. I learned all my working ethics from here. I had wonderful team members and manager here. But very soon in few months I left the job because I got a job in a International call center which I consider a blunder of my career. Nowhere I remember it. You know a lot of things going on I don't have time and words to describe all that was going on because I am trying to keep the story small.
Here comes the biggest blunder of my life my Mom was very sick and I became jobless those days. In those days I was working in that International call center a KPO(It was a fraud company) during nights and while in day I was working as a hawker(Reddi in hindi) to help an Aunty with her new business. Not ashamed to do that but blunder happened when the call center decided to Kick us without any reason and without paying. They left me jobless and made the situation verse.
My Aunt started pressurising my Mom to get married second time with a man whose wife have already died. The story goes on we don't know why? when? but as per I think mom was thinking about my future and I was thinking about her health and we agreed for the same. Though It was the most depressing moment of my life but for sake of my mom’s health I took the decision thinking I can support the family I was just 17 years old then and jobless, hopeless and surrounded with thousand blunders and failures of life.

But then things didn't go the way we thought the person whom mom married is a very poor man who have a family in a small town of Haryana and his parents are staying there are typical stingy people only money lovers. That home is a horror place for me there is no peace, no laughter, no brightness on anyones heart. Ruthless rigid unchanging old people. And the person(My step Dad now) stays in Mumbai is a small struggling actor who is not willing to take responsibility of his family. I moved out from there and started living with friends and working with call center and became like the normal youth and joined the BPO gang.I wrote a lot maybe I will try to continue in next post.

More than this Monday: Patience

“The first virtue in a soldier is endurance of fatigue; courage is only the second virtue.”
-Napoleon Bonaparte
The hardest thing for me to do is to wait and watch and do nothing. Though I am not impatient as a person if you meet me. I like to wait for hours, I can wait for almost anything, as I don't have preference on many things like taste, clothing, touring, reading, listening or any form of activity but when it comes to work and clarity of doing things I pretty much get impatient and I can't wait.
The first and most difficult virtue in following Christ I found is patience. I have waited a lot in search of this Truth, and this True God whom I know now and that is because of His grace and He chose me. Why its hard for me to wait. I like to work and to perform and get control over things like any normal person would do. But Why we have to wait? For what I must wait?  and why is it hard to wait? But we know Patience is one of the vital virtues of Christianity which we must posses. I have been patient to know His will and His calling for my life.I have been waiting from day one to know what must I do for him? Because before the journey began I was a wanderer but now I know where to go. Journey continues but still I don't know what exactly I have to do? Where I have to go I know but enduring the waiting period is really hard. Currently I feel like the Israelite in Egypt or maybe on the journey towards the promised land. At that time they really had nothing to do think of it there was a time when manna was provided from heaven, as I picture this what they must have been really doing in that particular time. I cannot imagine a day without work and they have to just believe. I recognize myself with them there was temptation to murmur and grumble among ourselves and to think to return to egypt. But God was teaching them to trust in Him in all the circumstance. Look at Moses and Joshua at contrast they were confident on the Living God they knew He is fulfilling the promise He made to their forefather Abraham, Isaac and Jacob. They had trust on His power and His love. God was always with them. Therefore the journey may seem to be weary without action but at the end you must understand in all this journey God was the lead and He fought all the battles and obstacles until they entered the promise land. Should not we be like Moses and Joshua to trust in Him and His promises.

And I remember what God commanded Joshua at the time they were about to enter the promise land “Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid;do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go” Joshua 1:9. Amazing isn't it when you have the King of Kings and Lord of Lords leading you, do you not be discouraged, afraid or be weak and weary?

Are you also waiting for something?

An unusual Prayer

Dear Daddy,

              Hi, How are you? I know the answer but You know still it's basic ethics of the letter that we ask the person how He is doing? Though in Your case its obvious but as a son I just wanted to check and I know You won't mind at all?

What is that I am crying today, I want to pray an usual prayer today? I want to ask something weird? I have always ask something to add, something to gain, something to reach, something to progress but today I want to put a reverse gear. I want to pray for something to lose, something to give up, something to lay behind and many to surrender. Because I have learned that the knowledge, possession and skills I have are like filthy rags before You. I am afraid that I am carrying a big baggage of proud of something I have done, something I have learned and others which I experienced. But God all this are coming in between You and me. I want to lay them out before You.

Its hard to that because I am afraid of losing something, few things I don't know what but I am afraid. Its hard to give up everything. But today's prayer is that give me strength to unlearn, to throw out all the possessions I carry. To be humble and accept that I am dust and worthless wretched sinner. Truly I am convinced that my heart is desperately wicked and my plans are always filthy and unrighteous. I want to empty myself. I cannot live this duplicit and cheat life everyday. Running and falling and crying every moment thinking to myself why can't I make it by myself? But the Truth that scripture says you can't, you simply can't?(Romans 3:23) 
And therefore I come to you asking me to realize this and to handover my life once again to You my Master, my Father, Lover of my soul, my Redeemer. In You alone I found my life and meaning. Purpose I survived because You came in my life and said “Follow me”. And I committed everything in Your hands then why do I run on my own strength and not on You. God teach me to abide in You by giving up all the obstacles that are coming in between. Let it be only You and me, and nothing to bother us. Let me grow in You alone and by Your strength alone. I really want to enjoy the life in fullness but in Your way and not my way. So here I am to lay all my crowns and all that I possess as filthy rags. As David says “ My sacrifice, O God, is a broken spirit; a broken and contrite heart, you, God, will not despise.” Psalm 51:17. I want to be renewed in You Lord. Thanks for listening to my prayers Daddy! Hope You answer soon.

Your disobedient but loving son,

Shushant

About the title and the begining....

As I write this I believe I must began to write from the beginning of this journey which means the year 2010 when I started going to Church and started believing in Jesus slowly. This below is my journal entry of 3rd April 2010.(Kindly ignore the grammar and spelling mistakes and also if some theological errors because I am trying to copy exactly what I wrote then, and also this can be very raw and sometime will not make sense but bear with me it’s just the beginning, when I read this now I feel like it’s a letter written by small kid to God. Hope you will enjoy this..)

Title: The Journey of Faith: In search of GOD, Truth and Way of living
My title speaks about a beginning of my journey towards God, the Almighty. Till now I didn’t have motto or we can say a purpose behind my life. Now the journey will decide where to go.
I have faith on my Father (God) that he will definitely help me to show the path to Him.
Love is the only most precious thing I know. And that’s the grace of God that He sent his Son on earth no for any other reason but for love which he have for his children. I never knew things properly it is always like a dream happening around us most of the things happening around us hardly matters to us because we are very selfish.
But not my Father (God) he always knows everyone and he is there for everyone isn’t it wonderful.
I thank God for being so good to us.
Pray, how to pray I don’t know may be God will teach me. One thing that I know my journey towards God, towards the truth and that’s what I can call as the way of life to live. God just loves us for anything and everything even when we are bad or good; He loves us. I cry to God: “Father! Oh! Father I want to be loved by everyone; teach me how to love everyone and be happy knowing the fact nobody loves you. How to be source of love? One who never asks anything in return of it?
Jesus Christ came on earth lived a life of a human being he loved everyone he met everyone, he shared good news with everyone he met. And in return demanded nothing, not only this he was nailed on the Cross just because of our selfish world. I want to be as lovable as you God.

Prayer is more than words...

My friend Pamela who is also inspiration for me to write is writing a series of articles on theme more than this monday on deep reflection. So today I will try to reflect on basic things as this also vital part of the journey. Today lets look at Prayer only a glimpse.

I don't know if this is said by someone else or not but I always say this to myself that Prayer is the fuel we must live this life. Every single person who believes in God knows about prayer. Now its secondary that how we do it, when we do it and why we do it?

What is prayer in our life? Is it something a everyday routine or we do it occasionally. Do we rely on what we knew about prayers or found out new ways? Do we pray to please God?

Do we pray thinking that this is part of the religion? Does our prayer reflects pride? Or it is a long list of request to God? Or are we asking to do or bless something we are doing or want to do? Are we praying to show something? How does your prayer looks like?
    Because our walk with Christ is defined by the way we pray and how often we pray? What we pray? What does it really mean to pray? So coming back again when I asked this question teach me to pray and how Jesus taught it?  simply saying prayer is communication.
Its by faith, a lot of faith initially because that is the time(When I started the journey) I was not sure about so many things, like where am I going, to whom really I am praying, why I am praying? But what I knew and wanted to know is Truth. What is truth? The Fact something genuine/original by which I can understand everything else. And those days I was reading and still read my favourite bible verse John 14:6 where Jesus says “ I am the Way, and the Truth and the Life no one comes to Father except through me.” But question was still why should I believe what He said is Truth. But faith, by faith I believed He is! Then made an honest prayer to Him, to open my eyes to see Him. And I realized when I heard Him that I did not chose Him, He chose me(John 15:16). As a Father He was always looking for me and He was planning and making my ways to follow Him(Reminds us the story of prodigal son Luke 15:11-32).
    Prayer is really more than the words we murmur before food and before sleeping and early morning. From beginning till date I have believed God is concerned about our heart than anything else. Even before we speak anything He knows.(Psalm 139:4) His eyes are always on us and His ears are always attentive towards us. Then is it only the words that is prayer.No prayers are more than words....
    Prayer goes beyond the offering of our words to him. Its a lifestyle we chose. Its our thoughts, our choices, our efforts and our work; are they not pointing something greater in our lives? Prayer is those songs that comes in our heart when we marvel of His glory. Prayer is that joy we have even in the difficult circumstance. Prayer is that cry when we seek His help in difficult time. Prayer is that talk when we are still and seek His words for our life. Prayer is that time we quietly spend at His feet, saying nothing but waiting to hear from Him.Thus prayer goes beyond mere words its a lifestyle we live. When we are helpless and we confess it to the Lord thats prayer. When we are remembering someone and asking God to help them its a prayer. When you intentionally speak to Him, so that you can avoid temptation and sin thats prayer.
    When you realize that Holy Spirit is guiding you and interceding with you for your words are falling short but He is teaching you and reminding you about Jesus that is prayer. When you trust and listen to His Word carefully that is prayer. Its that love we have with Him
    You know prayer is beyond words: A small baby who have not learned to say loves his parents but can't really express it but the parents know how much the baby loves them and more than those words and whether the baby gives it back or not parents are committed to love the baby. Its the same picture its not how much we pray? How we pray? What we say? Its love of God that really bounds us and if we are conscious towards it our words of thanksgiving and praise to His Grace will never end. And as I always say Our generations will pass away but we will not have enough thanked Him for what He have done in our lives.

So how do you pray?

Bridging the Gap...

Neither my title nor the theme look new but I want to declare that those are genuine. It might be possible that you find my theme to be coinciding with many other literature. Most likely with a book like John Bunyan’s Pilgrim's progress(Though I have not yet read the book and hope not many things and themes are similar because no way I should be compared such a man) but trust me the title Journey of Faith came to my mind when I first really started writing my journal when Ryan and Aveek(People who shared Christ with me) started telling me about Jesus. I was broken and lost at that time and it was a time of introspection in my life. The word faith was something came to my mind and as I would describe myself helpless that time. But it took a long time to decide about the journey. So bear in mind this journey is part of my life. I will sometime bring stories of my past and other times reflect on present situations and yet sometimes peep towards the progress. Join me in this roller coaster ride of my life as we journey together.

I also write this to inform you that I am very poor in english, specially in grammar therefore you might found multiple errors some time you will find common silly mistakes, feel free to comment to correct me. Also I am not very learned person therefore my writing style is random and very raw. I am a dreamer, a small kid therefore trying to paint a small piece of big picture. But try to understand my ideas which is the most important thing about blogging. I want to communicate messages, so kindly comment so that we keep interacting and travelling together. I don't like to travel alone come join us.