Tangled - Uljhan

Tangled - Uljhan, the word is stuck in my head. I took a silly challenge to untangle a manza 

(a thread used for flying kites) for a weird reason. Those who know what it feels like would immediately be flooded with the times they have tried to untangle it. Mind you it is a very dangerous thread, that can cut your fingers very easily. Generally, it is suggested to get a new set rather than trying to untangle it. Yet, there is a category of people who would like to give it a shot. It's very fussy but it was like solving a puzzle for me.

I looked at it as a metaphor for my life. And I want to surrender myself to God. I can untangle the manza but not my life. And as I was patiently working to solve the puzzle, step by step looking for the one end and trying to untangle it. It felt so good to solve a complex math problem and solutions are flowing step by step (primary level math - please I am no mathematician). I felt that what if I just allowed God to take me through a similar journey, and that can happen if only I allow Him to guide me.

 

Prayer: I am willing God, take the end and start untangling, the joy would be mutual. I have messed up, but I know You can untangle me gently and patiently. Having confidence in this that You made me, and You made me for a purpose and I won't find rest unless I am found doing that. I pray and come before You tangled, will you untangle me?

 

Saint by day, monster by night

How can I cheat God, it doesn’t feel right
Being a saint by day and monster by night
Killing my conscience byte after byte
It's all grey nor black, not white
Fantasies that take wild flight
Why do I keep losing this fight?
Am I trying to hide or  am I out of sight?
What happened to being salt and light?
Defeated by choice or by might?
I am no soldier and I am no knight
Jesus, it’s only You who can make me right
But I beg O! Lord please expedite
Its only in You, I want to delight.

Digital India and my views

Lately #DigitalIndia have brought a lot of discussion around me, especially after I ended up supporting it on Facebook. Well, I get very limited time on internet and so I rarely dig deep into the news and find out what it is all about, I must say its very dangerous and I should not do that.  Confessions; I must dig into what I am doing and what I am saying. Guess what? I still support Digital India.

I am a simple person. I don't talk much about politics, simply because I don't understand it, but it seems one need to be very careful to say anything, because nowadays everything can be considered against anyone and it can quickly escalate to become political. While doing my research about Digital India I stumbled on this great article which is wisely penned and I think it captures the heart of Digital India as well as of what our Prime Minister is doing. You can read it here. And my conclusion or what I have always thought have reflected well in the article.  To quote from the article it says : “Whats app is just technology. It’s neither good nor bad. It just depends on how we use it - to share farming tips or get blood boiling.”   And to put it in my words, most of the technology or any invention is neither good nor bad, it just depends on how we use it. Its not the technology or any other thing that is bad but as some wise man put it in this words “The heart of the problem is the problem of heart.” Most of the things are neutral, its our greed, lust and selfishness which makes it bad. Anything good, no matter how good it is when it falls in the hand of a fallen man, its for sure that it will get tainted, no matter how hard we try, we have greasy hands, stained with sins, so whatever we touch will be bad and corrupted.

Well, coming back to why I support Digital India. I totally had different thoughts about digital India, whereas lot of people are thinking its Facebook trying to control the market on the other hands there are rumors that Mr. Modi want to have a database and he want to be a dictator, or to put in exact words “He want to be God”. Well your rumors or what your wise prophecy might be true, it doesn't really bother me. Because I consider internet as education, I consider that it have that power to liberate, help people to connect to the world. We always have been afraid of new things, new technologies, change have always brought debate, confusion and worry along with it. But it is good, when used rightly, it have always liberated us. Well to counter that I would say, don't we worry too much about our politics, and kings too much, just because he is saying or doing things to become “God”; will he? We should remember from the past, specifically from the Biblical history(also history in general) is that God is sovereign and He chose different people but to do His will, so it should not bother us really, because God is sovereign and He is in control. So end of the day, rest in peace, you are in good hands.

Source:facebook.com/ShushantMojumdar

Then, there are people who accused me a lot saying, we should focus on the farmers first, we should solve the suicide issues first and then talk about Digital India. Well, there are issues, and they will always will, we can talk about our crime rate, we can talk about our small mindset, we can talk about religious instability, Khap panchayat, traditional taboos, and the list goes on, which is still holding us back from bringing anything new and changing. Education liberates, we should embrace that, and I am really thankful today I am able to think and relate, write so much about the topic only because I got education, I wonder if we would have debate few years back, Right to Education is not that important, let us first try to fix the farmers issue, lets try to bring them to a better position first and then talk about Education. Well my point is both are parallel issues, neither can take the position of another, I know that farmers remain in poor condition and its a high time that Government should form a better policy for it, but again coming back to first rule, not that there are no efforts taken for that, maybe its not adequate, but end of the day, I think issue lies with the human heart. Unless we are willing to deal with the issue with our hearts, we will be going in circles.

At last I must say, neither its digitalization, nor education or good governance can solve our issues, its a heart issue and we must look for a new heart.  

Journey Update

I have not told you of my where about from a loooooooong time. Honestly I have not come back and revived my blog and I have left it orphaned from ages. But lets get back to business. I am not here to tell you folks, that I am back, perhaps I am just here to announce, work is still in progress.

So lets get back to journey, today I want to tell you about my journey update again. So honestly it’s the mode or the time where the traveler is in desert, he is feeling lost, he is not sure if he took the wrong turn. He is not finding any signboards, he is tired, thirsty, hungry and just trying his level best to come back on the highway. But nothing seems to be working, he is stuck in a desert for long time, idea of direction, and progress are meaningless, all you can see is vast ocean of sand and sand alone. Not a single human soul, but only few fellow travelers who are also wandering, they feel the same way I feel but yet it seems we are on very different journeys.

The traveler is longing for joy, love and peace. He is longing for someone who will understand and walk along with him, speak to him and encourage him to carry on even when it is tough to know where he is heading and what lies ahead. Not that he knows not where he is going but right now, he is weak that his brain is not functioning properly. The weather and the stand storms of the desert are life threatening, and the traveler is long struck in this desert and he forgot the count of the number of storms he have faced here.

Is there a hope for traveler, off course there is because some one said not all wanderers are lost. The traveler is not willing to give up, because he is sure of the help; he knows the way he have chosen is not wrong and surely he desires the destination more than his life. And surely help will come from above. It might take sometime, some wear and tear, some lessons to be learned, the traveler must discipline and learn new thing on this adventure ride. Definitely he learned few, but right now he is feeling so lost that those lessons are mere lessons and he is starting to feel what a wise man said long ago, vanity of vanity, everything is vanity under the sun. He is realizing that how everything is meaningless under the sun. He is crying out for help, he is crying out to his creator that he will open his eyes and show him the highway again, to help him not to give up the journey. To strengthen the weakened knees. To help him not to doubt himself, or his choice of the journey. The traveler knows he started journey because of his crazy love towards his Master. And he can die but not give up on traveling. But I must tell you even in the midst of the desert there are few thing very significant. The traveler never ran out of food or of clothes or of any basic need, far more than that whenever he cried for any such thing. He suffered no serious illness other than what normally one faces in a desert. He is healthy, wealthy and well taken care of. Only thing he wants to do is to find the way out again and come back and walk on the highway.

Because the Lord of traveler says to him: "He gives power to the faint, and to him who has no might he increases strength." (Isaiah 40:29) The traveler truly waits upon  his Lord to renew his strength.

Faith

Letter to God: Cry for help

Dear Dad,

I am reminded of Your word which says “All we like sheep have gone astray; we have turned—every one—to his own way;” Isaiah 53:6 and I surely believe if we are not depending on You, we are going nowhere but astray. Surely Lord, as I review my previous year, look into my prayer log, I have found the year is spent in crying and lamenting but I see no efforts really taken to come back to You and seek Your help, although I have cried a lot but all seem to say, “God help me” but it felt like I still want to be in control, but as I gear up and hear from You and the message that we heard on Sunday about letting go, of giving our lives to You, and I want to honestly want to live for You and in Your strength, I cant do this on my own.  I am tired of going astray, I surely need to realign my life to the Shepherd, I want to lay down all the distractions, I want to bring everything to altar that is becoming hindrance for me to reach and hear the voice of my Shepherd.

Honestly speaking Dadda, I find myself in midway and I don't even know which way to go? Lost sheep knows nothing but helpless cries out to the Shepherd and that’s all I do. But deep down I know my Shepherd is nearby and He is more concerned about me than I am? He loves me, He cares for me, He calls me by my name, He gives me rest, He is the good Shepherd whom David describes in Psalm 23. I know my help is near, I just pray that I will meet my deliverer soon, I wait in a dry and thirsty land for Your visit.

But I can depend upon You and I want to end the letter with the words of the Psalmist who says.” I have gone astray like a lost sheep; seek your servant, for I do not forget your commandments.” Psalm 119: 176

Your son,

Shushant

Red glasses

A journal entry of recent past:

Source: Google images

I am influenced or I am suffering from some disease I can see red everywhere. Jag lal! Lal Lal lage hai mujhko(The world appears Red! Red and only Red to me). The red here means arts, creativeness, design, beauty, colors, music in everything. It seems that creative people are always wearing this glasses, I feel like sometimes I choose to wear this glasses all the time but something within me just forces me to pretend and take those red glasses out and see everything normal and boring, monotonous and as they are dull.

   So the question is always asked is there beauty in the flower or the eyes who sees and appreciate it. The dawn and dusk are always the same, why is it some days we just love to gaze at it and other time we are busy cursing it and minding our own business.

   I am extraordinarily happy today and all because of music and the red glasses which I choose to wear. I waited patiently, took break from all the corporate greys and see the red within everything. I stopped and thought what the song meant, why the singer is so happy or sad. What is he feeling? What does he mean? I saw the ceiling and asked myself what was the architect thinking when he made this? I saw the pattern all square and asked he must be very organised person. I spoke to my friend and while speaking I observed weird background at my cafeteria and I thought those buildings what do they mean to me and what was the original idea behind putting it here and why it doesn't bother people who don't like, or they don't say anything because they don't care about it? ;-) I love the fonts I use in my Open office called “Joti one”. I love my phone which allows me to take random photos. I am very happy that I have pencil to draw. I am happy that I can make funny letters. I am happy for my job which allows me to sit on a computer and internet and learn so many things.

  

I don't know why I keep giving excuses and saying that I don't have time for arts even knowing well thats truly colorful me. I say a movie long back called Mars needs Moms where supervisor have deceived the martians to believe in a lie and have made things very programmed and runned only with instructions and very less of emotions are seen, they are not allowed to live as families and there is nothing called as love and arts. People are just living under orders, under strict manners. And everything is straight line and programmed which reminded me of other movies like Wall-E and Equilibrium where the Directors have tried to show the struggle between the emotions vs programs(reasoning). One hand in equilibrium emotions are illegal and in wall-e people have forgot what does it mean to live without gadgets and what it emotion really means and they don't talk, they don't love, they don't nurture relationships and I love the way Wall-e the weird robot changes everything. And in Mars Needs Mom how Ki is that person who is fond of arts but she pretends to be just like others and I find myself always doing like that. But later she recognises the lie of the supervisor and rescues everyone. I feel like ki and wall-e most of the times.(I love the tagline of Wall-e After 700 years of doing what he was built for - he'll discover what he's meant for.)

one of my sketch

   I don't know if all this make sense to many of you folks but this is what goes on in my mind whenever I hear the word “WEIRD”. I live in my own world. The colorful world, I fall down, I sing, I dance and I appreciate even small and minute arts in all things. I am sure you can see the world with a different lens if you want you can borrow my red glasses and try to see world differently.

And I remember what Word of God says:

Though the fig tree does not bud

   and there are no grapes on the vines,

though the olive crop fails

   and the fields produce no food,

though there are no sheep in the pen

   and no cattle in the stalls,

yet I will rejoice in the Lord,

   I will be joyful in God my Savior.

The Sovereign Lord is my strength;

   he makes my feet like the feet of a deer,

   he enables me to tread on the heights. Habakkuk 3:17-19